Hello everyone, and yes, it’s true. I had a miscarriage. It was around June of 2012 when my husband and I became pregnant. We were not trying to conceive, but we were so happy to be pregnant. We had been married for about 2 years and we felt it was meant to be. The timing was right, we both had good jobs and we were really well off. I remember taking the pregnancy test after missing my period and when I saw the little + sign pop up, I could not believe my eyes. It was an unexplainable feeling of joy and almost disbelief. I was so excited and I called my husband right away. “I’m pregnant!” I said. We still didn’t tell anyone. I wanted to make an appointment with my Doctor before I told my parents and my in-laws. So I went! A blood test was taken and yep, I was pregnant! I was about 6 weeks into the pregnancy and I could not believe I had been pregnant for that long. It was just so surreal! We decided to tell my husband’s parents, mine and my siblings right away. And I was so excited to just put it out there with my friends that I posted it on Facebook..BIG MISTAKE! I should have waited a little longer. Of course I began getting all these comments about how happy my friends and other family members were for us. So that is how everyone in our corner found out. Remember, I was only 6 weeks along.
About a week later, I began bleeding, which obviously was not a good sign. I told my husband and we prayed and prayed before we took off to Urgent Care. I guess you could say that we mentally prepared ourselves for the worst. After we checked in, we were impatiently waiting to be called into a room. I remember feeling like this was it… our baby was gone, even before we saw the doctor. Finally we were called in and an ultrasound was done to take a look inside my cervix.. And there was nothing there… no heartbeat.. no peanut, nothing. I didn’t know how to feel.. I just looked at my husband and he hugged me and said everything would be okay. And that was it… just like that, our little peanut was gone. I can’t say that it was devastating, because as I mentioned before, I mentally prepared myself for the worst, so when the worst came, it wasn’t so bad. Don’t know if I’m making any sense, but that’s the best way I can explain it. It’s almost like I felt it coming.
The next few days were emotionally gloomy and felt like an outer body experience. I could see myself just going through the motions and not really being there. Does that make sense? They were just very emotionally weird days. I felt alone, and off. I finally brought myself to tell my parents and my in-laws and of course they were sad for us, but encouraging. I then deleted my Facebook post, and my friends obviously noticed. They began messaging me in private and I didn’t want to answer them yet, so I ignored them. I know, horrible, but I could not deal with it. I wished there was a way for me to just send a generic message to let everyone know in order to stop getting questions about it. So then I did some research online, and I learned how common this is in women and how little it is even talked about. When I read these articles and these blog posts of mothers who had gone through this, I felt understood. I no longer felt alone or like an outcast. My husband was supportive through this time, but I feel like it hit me harder that it did him. Maybe it was my hormones.. who knows?.. But it took me longer for this to stop affecting me. I had to put all my trust in God, once again, and heal from this loss. I can say that after a few months I was back to my old self. I still didn’t talk about this to anyone, but I was living life again.
By February 2013, I found out I was pregnant again! We were so happy. I was so happy, but I couldn’t help but think about my 2012 experience.. and this time around we waited to tell anyone. Not my parents, not my in-laws, NO ONE. We waited until my first trimester was completed and then we announced it. God blessed us with a beautiful boy, and our experience this time had a better outcome. For any ladies out there that have gone through this, please DON’T FEEL ALONE! You are not the only one and we are here for support. Don’t feel like this is the end of the road, it’s not. God always works at his perfect time and in mysterious ways. Just trust Him and He will guide you.
Proverbs 3:5-6New King James Version (NKJV)
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; 6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct[a] your paths.
Until next time, and thanks for stopping by!