Hi everyone! Jennifer here, hanging out trying to bring some valuable content for you all! Okay so by the title of this post you can tell what it’s going to be about, so let’s get right to it. I’m a step mom. Yes. I sure am. My husband and I dated around the time my step daughter was about 4 years old. She was the cutest little cheeky baby! Anyway, point is, I knew about her existence even before we dated since the hubbs and I were high school acquaintances. We dated in 2009 for about a year, so I always count that year as being a step mom because I took on the role from the beginning. That makes it about 8 years total. 3 years partially parenting her, and 5 years of full time parenting with her living in our home. Because of this, and some dramatic events that took place during these 8 years, I feel like I have something to offer as far as advice and tips. I want you all to know that I’m solely basing this on my personal experience. Having said that, here are my top 6 tips for step moms out there. Even if you’re just dating someone with kids that could potentially be “the one”, I think you need to hear these tips. I really wish there would have been more people around me that went through similar situations as me because maybe hearing some advice from said people would have eased the process for me… maybe.. I guess it’s different for everyone. I will say this, though: If you’re here to know how to be the best step mom, then you’re in the wrong place. I only learn as I go and trusting God through all these different phases of being a step mom is truly what keeps me sane and centered. And I didn’t make “Trusting in God” one of the tips because that’s just a given in my book! Anyway, now I’m just ranting on! Let’s move it along!
Tip #1: Don’t force your step child to call you mom.
I speak of this because we made the error of trying to have my step daughter call me mom from the beginning. I know, I know, what were we thinking, right? I honestly don’t have an answer for that other than we we’re wrong and I regret this so much! I gotta cut myself some slack, though, because I jumped into this step mom thing head on and I seriously didn’t know any better. Either way, the lesson was learned and my step daughter started calling me mom on her own when she was 7.
Tip#2: Know when to say that you’re a step mom and when to avoid it.
An example of when I would not mention that I’m a step mom would be at one of my step daughter’s friend’s birthday party while I chat it up. I want to respect my step daughter’s privacy as much as I can and not put her on the spot and make her feel uncomfortable. A place where I would mention that I am her step mom would be when I take her to a doctor’s appointment.
Tip#3: Love your step child no matter what.
Loving a child that is not yours is a choice that you make, it’s not something that just happens. When my husband and I were dating and I knew that he was the man I wanted to marry, I made the decision to love this child that was not mine. From that point on it was a promise that I made to her and it happened right away. My step daughter was 4 when I met her and she was the sweetest little girl, so it was not hard to love her dearly. So I did, and still do. Even now that she’s 11 and pre-teen years and hormonal changes are more and more apparent. I love her.
Tip#4: Understand that your step child will love their mom forever, no matter the circumstances, and respect that.
This is the case in my situation. My step daughter still sees her mom, not too often, but still does. She has no resentment or ill feelings whatsoever towards her mom, so that’s something that I have to accept and respect. She has a great and forgiving heart so I would not expect anything less of her.
Tip#5: Never speak in a negative way about your step child’s parent, especially in front of your child.
In the beginning of my relationship with my step daughter, there was a lot of drama going on, so I am guilty of saying things about her mom that I should not have said. What I never did, and I’m proud on myself for, is say anything bad about her mom in my step daughter’s presence.
Tip#6: Always strive to have a civil relationship with your step child’s mom, if possible.
That is my goal, and always has been. It was never possible until probably last year (2016). And let me tell you that it is crazy to think that I’m on speaking terms with her mom. I think at some level I knew that it would happen eventually, but never actually pictured it in real life. Not sure if ya’ll know what I mean, but it’s here. We are on speaking terms, and it’s finally all good.
And that’s is for my tips based on my 8 years experience as a step mom. This is definitely a subject that I will try to touch base on more often as God leads me to it. One last thing: PRAY, PRAY, PRAY for your step child. I thank you for stopping by and giving precious time of yours to my blog. I also made a You Tube video on all these tips, for those of you that are more into watching videos. I’ll link it below for your convenience. Let me know your thoughts, and also all you step moms out there that have been at it for way longer than I have, I’d like to hear some of your insight!
Until next time,